Posts Tagged ‘saving money’

Five Foot Fix: iPod Farce

Monday, July 13th, 2009

What is it like walking down the street and seeing everyone else has a new-fangled iPod to play with? If you already own a kickin’ iPod, don’t even bother finishing this article. All you’ll do is laugh at mine (and perhaps other unfortunate people’s) expense.

You see, I don’t have an iPod. I did, several weeks ago, but it was straight up stolen from my house. No joke. So, I have been thinking about how to replace it. Well, since I don’t really have  $150 to blow on another one (just to see it stolen again), I’ve been considering some alternatives so that, from five feet away at least, I look as though I have money to burn. Here’s the ideas, most expensive to least:

See, even you took a double-take.

See, even you took a double-take.

1. The iPod Knock-Off:  Found at www.engadget.com, This may be your best choice in replacing it. At half the cost, you can look like a pro from even up close. Even the most investigative Apple aficionados will have trouble distinguishing it from the real thing.

Cost: $77 (or 4200 Phillipine Pesos)

The Downsides: A lack of memory, ease of use, warranty, functionability, or resale value. But you’ll look good, and isn’t that really the point?

 See how similar this is to...

...this?

See how similar they are (with plenty of imagination)?

2. Gameboy As An iPod Classic: The most brilliant point of this is that you don’t have to shell out much cash to get a hold of an old-skool gameboy, you look like you own a newer and more expensive electronic object, and you get to play some sweet Mario games. There are many ways to go about this. You could paint your Gameboy white and tape on some earbuds; that would make it a Ten Foot Fix. The best, but more difficult option, is convincing people you have this cover for your iPhone so that it just looks like an old-skool (yes, it is spelled that way) Gameboy. Besides, those Gameboys are a heck of a lot more resistant to bombing than iPods.

Cost: $10, when coupled with the earbuds, and paint. And then a few cents at any given yard sale for the games.

Downsides: Hardly any. You can still listen to music, albeit, only classic Nintendo game songs, but what is wrong with that? On the upside, you can play games for about the price of their iPhone app equivelants.

If this dude looks sad, it might be because he's not listening to any music.

If this dude looks sad, it might be because he's not listening to any music. Found here.

3. Headphones Running From Your Pants Pocket To Your Ears: By far the cheapest route in getting your friends to think you posess a decent mp3 player. iPods are so small now that no-one is really going to notice if you have anything in your pocket or not. Of course, to get the genuine Steve Jobs look, it takes genuine headphones. Then again, those things suck so bad that everyone replaces them with decent headphones or earbuds. It is really up to you which ones you get.

Cost: $3.50

Downsides: Yeah, you don’t really get to listen to music, and the original earbuds are so uncomfortable no one wants to wear them when they do get to listen to music. And if someone asks you what you are listening to, it is hard to make up stuff. It is even harder to show them the cover art.

I promise tomorrow’s post isn’t going to be a list! I just happen to be in the habit with lists right now. I’ll snap out of it. 1. I’ll start my blog. 2. I won’t write a list. 3. You all will be happy. Perhaps a review of a website will be in order.

Clipping Coupons

Friday, March 20th, 2009
Some coupons are more useful than others.

Some coupons are more morbid than others.

Everybody knows if you get the Sunday paper (or steal it from your neighbor’s porch), you can find a ton of little coupons inside it for stuff you use everyday. Well, let me tell you, those really add up. I mean, over time, if you use them consistently, and don’t mind spending hours cutting them out for 25 cents here, 40 cents there.

Well, actually, that is a thing of the past. If you know what a blog is and realize your reading one right now, you probably know you can get coupons on the internet and print them out-no Sunday paper needed. That’s not to say there isn’t other reasons why you would want to read the paper (warning, mildly crude joke). However, in all seriousness, I didn’t really realize how easy or beneficial this can be. There’s this lady out there called the “Coupon Mom” who has an entire website devoted to coupons. I mean, it doesn’t really sound like I’d want to hang out with her on a regular basis, but you can’t beat saving money. Other, frankly better, sites that rocks my socks are www.retailmenot.com and www.smartsource.com. I found this great blog that has many resources, but she mentions a 6 good places to get coupons. If you can get coupons to buy stuff you already have to get, that’s more money for other stuff (like those backed up child support payments)!

Now, as geeky as it may sound to go around clippin’ digital coupons, it actually works. Right now is about the time I’d usually inform you of some outlandish tale of someone getting more back from their coupons than they actually have spent. Well, unfortunately, all I could find was this measly middle classer saving $1000 a month with coupons. I mean, it is no free car, but you can’t sneeze at a grand. Well, I can’t, because I’m not sure I have a grand. Nor is it dusty in here.

I think the main point I am trying to make is that although coupons may only save you fractions of a dollar, fractions of a dollar add up. I would rather save money than spend it, wouldn’t you? And hey, this is something you can really hide from the neighbors. How are they ever going to find out you (gasp!) use coupons? If they do find out, however, your social life is going down in flames. Nobody wants to be friends with a ‘clipper’. So, keep it on the down-low at all costs. Shred the newspaper after your done with it, and burn the remains. Erase your hard-drive and browsing history. And darn it, make sure you wipe down your scissors with alcohol after your done using them!

Wanna Prada?

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Knock-offs. In this digital age, they are better than ever. You can get knock-off purses, knock-off gamesystems, and even knock-off cars. Best of all, your neighbors probably won’t even know the difference. They might not even care to investigate. By now, if you have been following my tips and tricks, they think you are the CEO of Wal-Mart. If you actually are the CEO of Wal-Mart, feel free to send some of that cash my way.

Britain has had some TV ads floating around centered around “Knock-off Nigel”, meant to deter people from pirating movies from the internet. That would work fine if your name was Nigel. But I don’t think it is. I bet your something like a Frank or a Cindy. And, as a Frank or a Cindy, you are much more cool buying knock-offs and pirating movies than that Nigel character.

There are many advantages to buying fake stuffs. The obvious, it is cheap. Secondly, you are contributing to worthy causes. Who wants to support those richie riches down at the Prada plant? They’ve already got enough money, selling those over-priced cow-sacks. If you wanted to support the ultra-wealthy, you would pay your taxes.

No, you want to support the underdogs! Hey, they’re just trying to make a living, what are you going to do, swipe it out from underneath them? Knock-offs contribute to 7% of the world economy, that’s more than $350 Billion buckaroos. If you divide that $350 dollars per person in the world, that means there is $50 smackers per person on this planet in fakes. You can’t just pull that income out from underneath people! People gotta eat!

According to the International Chamber of Commerce Counterfeiting Intelligence Bureau (I bet their Christmas parties are a blast!), the U.S. alone ‘loses’ $200 billion dollars a year to counterfeiters. For the U.S., that is roughly $666 per person! That may seem devilish and indicate some sort of ‘evil’ in buying counterfeit, but actually, it rounds up to $667 per person if we say the States have 300 million people. The point of all of this? I don’t know about you, but I haven’t spent nearly $700 dollars last year on fake products. I am not holding up my end of the bargain.

And, if you didn’t spend that much on fake Guccis or knock-off (I would consider the following link ’PG-13′ rated) Male Chastity Belts last year, you’re not doing your part to keep the International Chamber of Commerce Counterfeiting Intelligence Bureau (the ICOCCIB) open. And it is a fine institution, so I hear. Also, every time you see a commercial asking you to sponser a child for $25 bucks a month, just remember: you could have been supporting those children with income they would recieve at the counterfeit plant. There is a chance that you are already buying counterfeit products and you don’t know it. However, you can’t count on this oversight to keep you from contributing at least $600 or $700 to actively seeking them out.

If for some reason your ‘concience’ keeps you from wanting to buy that bag, remember, the Japanese don’t have a problem with it. And, as you may recall, Sweden is in Japan. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but basically, Sweden is cool, counterfeits are cool, and you have to impress the neighbors somehow.

Support America (or whatever country your in), buy counterfeit.