Posts Tagged ‘money’

Craigslist Cruisin’: Free Stuff!

Thursday, September 17th, 2009
Free free free!

Free free free!

Ok, so by now if you are a regular reader, you would have figured out that I like Craigslist. A lot. If gay marriage were legal, I would marry Craig and the List would be our baby. If you have been living under a wifi-less rock for the past ten years, here’s the update. www.craigslist.com is the best thing since Sonny met Cher, and here is the number one reason why:

Free stuff. Where else can you power up your internets and find a 4000 gallon fish tank for free, in your neighborhood? That’s right! Imagine the social ramifications:

“Hey, want to go out sometime?”

“No.”

“I have a 4000 gallon fish tank.”

“What?”

“I have a 50 lb. koi.”

“If you let me see your koi, can I pay for dinner?”

See! It is like having a personal social training coach (a la “Hitch”) for free. And, I have to say, “let me see your koi” holds plenty of promise for how the date is going to go. Anyway, I found that fish tank after literally seconds of searching. If you put a little bit of effort into it, you might be able to find something even better, however unlikely that may seem.

Here’s my secret methods for cruising the free section:

  • Ignore curb alerts. Contrary to popular opinion, you really CAN have too many slightly dog-eared fiberboard entertainment centers.
  • Mattresses that are free are not a good deal. The risk of contracting a disease through the exchange of bodily fluids far outweighs the danger of acute sleep-deprivation from snoozing on the floor.
  • If the entire title is in bold, or there are more than 1 “FREE” in the title, then they are trying to dispose of something that is illegal or worth less than nothing, or both.
  • Don’t get free food. See “Mattresses”; replace “acute sleep-deprivation from snoozing on the floor” with “death by starvation”.
  • If you have a smallish house and little willpower, it may be a good idea to avoid the free section altogether.
  • Avoid any service that is promised to be performed for free. That is more fishy than a 4000 gallon fish tank. Just…don’t.

Well, enough with what not to do. Here are some more great things I found on the free section:

Free piano!

Intellivision II non-functional gaming console without cords!

Corded phone! For free, can you believe it?!?

1 lb. of Potatoes!

Alright! I think I can set you free out in to the Craigslist “Free Section” world without worrying too much about you! By the way…I saw that free fish tank first, so back off.

2010 Toyota Prius

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

To buy or not to buy? That is the question!

 
To buy or not to buy? That is the question!
So, you have found the ultimate vehicle for green-loving bliss. Forget the energy used to create the car, the heavy metals used for creating those batteries for the hybrid, and the fact that everything you once thought about saving the environment is wrong, and what do you end up with, though?

Um. For $22,000, $9,000 more than Toyota’s entry-level Yaris, you get 22 more mpg in the city and 12 more on the highway. That is a lot better gas mileage, for sure. After the average 200,000 miles the cars will survive,  you will have used about 2,113 more gallons of fuel in the Yaris.

I think it is a pretty good lookin' ride, as well.

If I were a pirate, I would by the Yaris for the name. The YAAAAARis!

 Keep your granny panties on. That’s more  Arnold Palmer  than I can chug in a a single sitting, but if we are purely going on the price of the car plus the price of gas (at today’s gas prices), we would be paying $3,738 for the privilege of owning the Prius versus the Yaris.

“I don’t care about money,” you bellow, “I only want to save the environment!” Those who truly only care about the environment should off themselves now; it seems like humans contribute greatly to greenhouse emissions no matter what they do. Those who can comprimise slightly by not killing themselves, listen up.

Buy the Yaris. Take that $3,738 and get some energy-efficient appliances, caulk your crevices, and get a digital thermostat. Buy a cat from the shelter.

Sure, the Yaris will not have electric windows standard, heated mirrors, front and rear parking assist, standard in-dash CD, standard AM/FM radio (!), 2 more speakers, rear disc brakes, telescoping wheel, audio and cruise control on the wheel, standard remote power door locks, powered adjustable mirrors, or a rear wiper (like the Prius does).

But, that is stuff that will eventually end up in a landfill. And you care about the environment more than  seeing while your backing up in cold weather while listening to a CD and looking out your clean rear window, right?

Right?

Five Foot Fix: iPod Farce

Monday, July 13th, 2009

What is it like walking down the street and seeing everyone else has a new-fangled iPod to play with? If you already own a kickin’ iPod, don’t even bother finishing this article. All you’ll do is laugh at mine (and perhaps other unfortunate people’s) expense.

You see, I don’t have an iPod. I did, several weeks ago, but it was straight up stolen from my house. No joke. So, I have been thinking about how to replace it. Well, since I don’t really have  $150 to blow on another one (just to see it stolen again), I’ve been considering some alternatives so that, from five feet away at least, I look as though I have money to burn. Here’s the ideas, most expensive to least:

See, even you took a double-take.

See, even you took a double-take.

1. The iPod Knock-Off:  Found at www.engadget.com, This may be your best choice in replacing it. At half the cost, you can look like a pro from even up close. Even the most investigative Apple aficionados will have trouble distinguishing it from the real thing.

Cost: $77 (or 4200 Phillipine Pesos)

The Downsides: A lack of memory, ease of use, warranty, functionability, or resale value. But you’ll look good, and isn’t that really the point?

 See how similar this is to...

...this?

See how similar they are (with plenty of imagination)?

2. Gameboy As An iPod Classic: The most brilliant point of this is that you don’t have to shell out much cash to get a hold of an old-skool gameboy, you look like you own a newer and more expensive electronic object, and you get to play some sweet Mario games. There are many ways to go about this. You could paint your Gameboy white and tape on some earbuds; that would make it a Ten Foot Fix. The best, but more difficult option, is convincing people you have this cover for your iPhone so that it just looks like an old-skool (yes, it is spelled that way) Gameboy. Besides, those Gameboys are a heck of a lot more resistant to bombing than iPods.

Cost: $10, when coupled with the earbuds, and paint. And then a few cents at any given yard sale for the games.

Downsides: Hardly any. You can still listen to music, albeit, only classic Nintendo game songs, but what is wrong with that? On the upside, you can play games for about the price of their iPhone app equivelants.

If this dude looks sad, it might be because he's not listening to any music.

If this dude looks sad, it might be because he's not listening to any music. Found here.

3. Headphones Running From Your Pants Pocket To Your Ears: By far the cheapest route in getting your friends to think you posess a decent mp3 player. iPods are so small now that no-one is really going to notice if you have anything in your pocket or not. Of course, to get the genuine Steve Jobs look, it takes genuine headphones. Then again, those things suck so bad that everyone replaces them with decent headphones or earbuds. It is really up to you which ones you get.

Cost: $3.50

Downsides: Yeah, you don’t really get to listen to music, and the original earbuds are so uncomfortable no one wants to wear them when they do get to listen to music. And if someone asks you what you are listening to, it is hard to make up stuff. It is even harder to show them the cover art.

I promise tomorrow’s post isn’t going to be a list! I just happen to be in the habit with lists right now. I’ll snap out of it. 1. I’ll start my blog. 2. I won’t write a list. 3. You all will be happy. Perhaps a review of a website will be in order.

Cash in on Global Warming

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
Check out this trendy little eco-friendly ride. Stuff like this is going to save our planet! Found at www.tirekick.com.

Check out this trendy little eco-friendly ride. Stuff like this is going to save our planet! Found at www.tirekick.com.

Do it before it is too late! No matter where you stand on the global warming debate, you have to admit, it is always a good idea to make money. And, it may just as well end up that certain industries stand to develop and expand a great deal due to the scary predictions of some scientists.

Although I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, here is a typical children’s fairy tale story about global warming that replaces real concerns, people, and events with cute little analogies; and also includes a strong moral in hopes that the children will do better than the writer’s generation when they are older:

Once, there was a group of…ummm…duckies. These cute, soft, little yellow duckies wanted to live comfortably; so they cranked their thermostats, drove their cars without any catalytic converters, and burned coal with abandon. Eventually, some smart, er, scientist owls with big ol’ glasses told them that the earth was in danger of warming too much because they used plastic bags at the grocery store instead of paying for the fabric bags; and they were not using a cap-and-trade system that effectively work as additional taxes for the government, so no one had any incentive to stop harming the poor planet. Then, everyone, including the smart scientist owls with the big ol’ glasses, died because the ocean got too full and they drowned. The end.

Catch the moral? It was: if you don’t get in on the game of making money on global warming early enough, you will die before you are rich. While it is unlikely that you are going to sell fabric bags or start you own cap-and-trade system, there are still some things you can do.

Obviously, you sell stuff that is “environmentally friendly”. For example, if you can get people to buy battery acid, that would be environmentally friendly because it wouldn’t be going into the ground; it will be in people’s homes. The trick, I guess, is creating a product that people would actually want to buy with the added twist of it being good for the environment. It doesn’t matter if it actually is good for the environment, really, just that it is less harmful, or appears to be less harmful. People will pay a lot of money to look like they are saving the environment, and I encourage you to exploit that.

Here is such a great example, it makes me feel all fuzzy. You could buy a Lexus LS 460 L or a Lexus LS 600h L, if you had a lot of money. They are the same car inside and out, but the second example is a hybrid car with a gigantic battery that takes up half of the trunk and gets you 6 mpg better in the city. What is the price difference? With the same features, it is $21,333. That is one expensive battery. You sure are paying a lot for your trunk space to be halved. Now, don’t poo poo too much, those people are saving the environment! Sure, the hybrid version still only gets 20 mpg in the city, but it is so much better than what the non-hybrid gets. Never mind that you could get a regular old Toyota Corolla and still get 30 mpg, or better yet, a bicycle that gets infinity mpg. You are making a statement! And that statement would take 31 years to make up the initial cost difference in gas savings.

Now, all you have to do (the “you” I was referring to when I was talking about the car is some reader other than you), is come up with your own little eco-friendly product or idea and sell it to the masses. Do it before it is too late and we all die of global warming on this God-forsaken rock.

Or until the whole thing blows over and everyone realizes it is a total crock. Either way, you have to work fast.

Shoe Wear Fare

Sunday, April 12th, 2009
These shoes are cool, and an important status symbol to some people. But how important are they to you?

These shoes are cool, and an important status symbol to some people. But how important are they to you?

Right now, I am going to tell you how to retire rich. I am not getting anything out of telling you this, and it is simple math, but hold on tight, ’cause this is going to be one wild ride. I promise.

There are literally a million ways we can save money in different areas of our lives. When we factor together all of the little choices we make on a day-to-day basis; that is how we spend our money, and ultimately, live our lives. From saying yes or no to upsizing your drink at the local cinema, to deciding which lender to go with when buying a house; these decisions dictate how much money we spend and how much we ultimately have. This particular post is one of serious nature, should be taken as so, and for everyone living paycheck-to-paycheck, this is especially for you.

I will give an example, as I often do, that accurately portrays this broad concept on a local level. Here’s the hypothetical situation that will affect your life drastically: you’ve worn down your last pair of shoes, and your on the hunt for some new ones. You are thinking about several options, all of which have their pros and cons. Let’s say your just going to go with some standard sneakers. You have the option of getting Air Jordans or even these Nike sneakers, that they only made 40 of, with an estimated resale value of $1000 or more. Realistically, however, you have narrowed your choice down to some Air Jordans from Foot Locker for $159.99 or some Dunkman Game Time by Shaq treads sold at Payless for $29.99. Real shoes, real prices.

Let’s pretend you get those Shaq shoes instead of the Air Jordans, which although you really want you just don’t need, and save yourself $130. That is a lot of money, right? You could use that to pay a little of your rent, or have a few nights out with friends. Already, your on a roll as far as your decision-making is concerned. However, let’s say you invest that…I know, in todays market, that is pretty much a dirty word, but time and time again investing has been proven the best method to get a return on your money without any real work involved.

So, you take that $130 and you put it in, let’s say, a hedge fund that earns 8% over the long term. Not bad, so you’ve just made about $10 your first year. That is a meal for two at McDonalds! For fun, however, let’s just say you keep it in there since you were 20 and you’re approaching retirement at 65. How much did your $130 earn you in that time?

It is more than you probably think it is, and I’m going to tell you, I promise, but let’s add a little fun to it. Ok, so you bought your shoes, but let’s say that every year you buy new Shaq shoes instead of Air Jordans and save yourself $130 every year. That’s really good, but let’s say you invest that money in the same place as well. At your retirement party at 65, somebody comes up to you and says “Hey, what happened to your Air Jordan money, did you save it, invest it, or did you buy 45 years worth of worn-out old-fashioned shoes? I did some math, and if you saved it without interest, you’d have $5,850 by now!” You say that you invested it, but you haven’t checked it since then. You knew it was making about 8% every year, but now you go over to a computer and you look while your chowing down on your retirement cake. How much did you make?

$58,415.05.

That is a difference of $52,565.05 between just saving the money under a mattress and investing it. If you had even just socked away $130 that first year and never put any more money in, you would have $4,149.66. Still a great return on your original investment.

And that is just shoes.

$58,415.05

Just shoes.

Think about it.