Living Largely on the Cheap

After realizing that human-powered electrical devices might not be the best way to use the homo erectus’s brain time (although if you are powering your TV, I suppose you could be watching a re-run of “BJ and the Bear”), I thought perhaps there is still a way to use the wonders of nature to power our homes. You know, besides hydroelectric, solar, and wind energy, which are fads that are going to go the way of Tickle-Me-Elmo any time now.

So, I figured it out. Humans have powerful minds, but other animals have powerful bodies. If you could somehow harness their energy output, you could have a useful and reliable way of producing energy for your own home. It isn’t unprecedented, animals had been used for practically all of time to create mechanical power up until the latter half of the 1800’s, when electrical power began being put to good use. Then, they started building machines that would make electricity all sorts of ways, like steam, gasoline, and Carnot engines. Okay, that last one is theoretical, but it could work. They however, for the most part, ignored animals. You may say that that is a sign of progress, but I think it was a snub. After hundreds upon hundreds of years of needing animals around to produce any sort of work, I think engineers were finally tired of it.

However, now that we’ve had around 100 years to think about it, I think we could be on the verge of an animal powered revolution, much like Animal Farm, but without all the Marxism. I know what you are all thinking: rows and rows of hampsters spinning away at their wheels like little pellet-fed batteries. That is one way to make electricity using animals (and do not click on the next link if you love them), but there are plenty more ways to make electricity using hampsters alone. I think it has been overdone, though, the hampster bent. First of all, hampsters really only have the capacity to power a couple of small light-emitting diodes. Technically speaking, you would need at least 100,000 hampsters to generate enough energy (64 hp) to power a small car.

So forget hampsters. Electric eels create the electricity in their own body, and are only slighly less cute. Actually, 4/5 of it’s body is made up of electric-producing organs (the Main, Hunter’s, and Sachs organs, respectively). Simple as pie. Finally a water treadmill can be used for more than torturing your dog. Well, I guess since they have the electricity built-in, all you’ll need to do is stick ‘em in your favorite electric-powered device. I’m not sure if he makes Alternating Current or Direct Current, but one can create up to 650 volts according to Wikipedia. That’s enough to power your flatscreen and your Mac. In this case, electricity and water does mix.

So, I guess we figured out that little problem. Just don’t let the neighbors know why you have such an exotic pet, I’m not sure about the laws regarding animals being used for electricity. If they do ask, go ahead and say you have an electric eel because “a hampster was just too cute and inefficient” and leave it at that.