I’ll give you an example. Let’s say you have the trots. It sounds worse than liver disease. Well, according to some New Guinea doctor, you just get your Coke, let it sit at room temperature opened until it goes flat, and then drink it every hour on the hour. Your trots will disappear in no time. I personally have never had the trots, and so I haven’t had the pleasure of using this great idea. However, I don’t see the point of letting it sit out until it is flat and warm. Does the carbon dioxide get in the way of the healing process? Does the temperature make a difference? Is there some sort of helpful bacteria that gets into the pop and clears out your system? I’m just going to leave it to them, as their average life expectancy is 65 years old and their infant mortality rate is 48/1000, I’m guessing they sure do know a bunch about modern medicine.

Apparently the substance that makes Coke able to perform all these amazing miracles is phosphoric acid, which has a pH of 2.8. That makes it slightly acidic, which is what dissolves pretty much anything and therefore is good for cleaning in general. There are various remarks regarding the usefulness of Coke in household cleaning and otherwise, the more unusual include using it as a tanning lotion and a way to make surfaces more sticky for actors to dance on. Of course, I doubt, as a LLotC frequent reader, you would want to spend a buck on some Coke just to tan with it (lard is a cheaper alternative, even cheaper yet, just sit out in the sun and ignore the cancer). In fact, I seriously doubt if you put any of this to use you will be using brand-name Coke, you might use Bubba Cola or something along those lines.

So, using either Coke or Bubba Cola might be cheaper than a product that has a specific purpose, and quite possibly will do the same job. This will definitely save you some money, but if might appear strange that you are keeping such products under your sink. If your guests ask why you are pouring them drinks, and then cleaning the counter with the same thing, slyly joke that they can guess whether you are using Coke to clean counters or giving them cleaner to drink. Hopefully your friends can take such a joke. If you are giving them Mr. Clean to drink for real, though, hopefully you have a great deal of arable land and a sturdy shovel.

Kidding! All you need is a good lawyer. Hopefully one with a doctorate.

I know of a Dr. Pepper you can get a hold of.