Of course, if one roomie is good, then two is better. One roommate might yield you 400 bucks, two could get you 600. If following that formula, three would get you 700, four would get you 750, and so on. By the time your at 10 roommates, you’ll be pulling in almost eight hundred dollars a month!

On top of the added bonus of always having cool people around, you’ll also have the neighbors suspecting you are having a 24/7 party. What is cooler or as much of an indication that you are living the high life as 24/7 parties? Here is an actual made-up conversation I had with my imaginary neighbor when I “had 10 roommates”:

“Yo, bro, what’s going on. It is like you are having a constant party over there, man.”

“That is because I AM having a constant party over here. Not only that, but my four-figure job sends me on business trips daily.”

“Homie, four figures is not that great.”

“Yeah, but you gotta consider the benefits, too. Like…dental. And, uh, I get free pizza once a night. And I get to keep my tips.”

“Tips?”

“Er, I mean, wingtips. Shoes. I get to keep them. Long story. Wait a second…I’ll be back in a sec…one of my party-goers owes me rent….”

So, as you can see from this completely realistic conversation, my neighbor totally thought I was rad for having a constant rave. Despite all the bonuses to having a roomate I just mentioned, there are some drawbacks to consider:

There will always be disputes over boundary lines. However, sometimes it can get out of hand, and there is a small chance your roomie will fatally hit you with a sledgehammer over there being no toilet-paper in the house. This seems somewhat unlikely; you should be ok. Just make sure there is always toilet-paper, I guess. Another drawback to consider is trying to figure out the logistics of housing ten people in your studio apartment. This would not be a problem if your ‘mates were all zombies a la “I Am Legend”, and they all slept standing up, hyperventilating. Besides the auditory annoyance and the probability of being devoured alive, this would be an ideal situation.

However, as you would typically be dealing with real human beings, I have come up with a plan.

First of all, visit IKEA. Besides the cheap prices, they have floor models showing exactly how to house about a trillion people in a four square-foot home. Five of these ought to do the trick for sleeping arrangements. Those Swedes, they really know how to live in a small space. I have a sneaking suspicion that Sweden is actually in urban Japan. The next thing to do would be to see if you can’t room with someone who participates in the art of body suspension. That should really clear up some floor space. Lastly, don’t live with with this guy, who left his rented house with 70,000 Coors Light cans inside. The article says he doesn’t drink beer anymore, but what does he do with his Coke cans?

On the upside, they were all recycled to the tune of 800 dollars. That’s one month’s rent from your 10 roomies!