That’s right, break out your own bucket and butter up that Buick yourself. It really is a good idea in the long run, although the initial cost might be somewhat steep. Especially if you want to start your own commercial car wash, which would cost about $400,000 to make or more. So, I guess, just make do with your own hands for now.

Bucket, $1.50, wash, $5.00, a couple of wash mitts, $6.00, some wax, $3.00,  a hose, $8.00, a nozzle, $2.00, some application pads and microfiber cloths for your wax, $5.00, some windex, $2.00, some paper towels, $1.00, and that ought to do it for now. So, $33.50. That’s a nasty blow to the old bank account, right? But watch, watch what I’m going to do now.

Ok, so, you can do about 128 washes out of a gallon of Turtle Wax according to their bottle. So, $33.50 divided by about 128, well, lets add a little more because you’ll be using your water, and face it, those mitts and that wax ain’t gonna last forever. $100, even, let’s say. Divided by 128 washes, that’s less than a buck a wash.

Whooo! Now, all you have to do is actually spend the half-an-hour to wash your car. You have a couple of options, you could tell the neighbors that you ‘enjoy the outdoors, it’s a nice change from being stuck inside counting money all day’, or you could dress up as a illegal alien that was paid to wash your car. I think there are enough sites out there that actually go through the step-by-step process of washing your car, so I’ll let you look that up on your own time.

What I will tell you is, as soon as your done getting your car washed, you can buck up the 75 cents and go to a commercial car wash to get it vacuumed. I mean, I don’t expect you to invest in a Shop-Vac as well. However, don’t use the vacuum there to do any indecent acts. I mean, I thought I wouldn’t have to say that, but that guy apparently proved otherwise.

After your car is all nice and pretty, I guess all you have to do is roll up on the nearest club.

Sam’s Club.