This is a picture of an actual chair of mine that is in need of refurbishing. Any takers to do it for me?
Refurbishing isn’t so much of an art or science as it is a way of life. Perhaps it could even be considered as something you do occasionally to spruce up furniture you already have. Now, I am all for the “distressed look” of furniture, but after a while your friends might ask you why your table is broken in half. What is the solution? Take the cheap route, and refurbish what you’ve got; it will look like you have brand-new pieces again. It’s up to you if you want to tell people that they are new retro-looking additions to your home. Hey, I’m not your conscience.
Let’s say you are refurbishing that table. The first step would be to fix the broken-in-half problem. Go down to your neighborhood wood supply store, or, if you don’t have a specialty store like that, IKEA sells pieces of wood usually in their ‘scratch and dent’ area pretty cheaply. It might not even be wood, it might be synthetic Swedish fake wood made out of used printer paper and glue, but it will do the trick for now. Prop up the table, and screw/nail/staple/paperclip/duct-tape the two sides together, using the wood you have in the middle to support it.
Now that you have a solid table, it is time to strip the wood so you can put on a new finish. Some might say it is a good idea to use a chemical stripper, or a human stripper, but both of these options would be more expensive than what I would be willing to spend. Not to mention, you run the risk of contracting cancer from the former and venereal diseases from the latter. So, I would go with using a beaver. It is all natural, and will only stink up the house if you leave it in there for a long time. Just take the beaver, and let it eat away at the top coat and try to keep it from digging into the wood too much. Keep dragging it by the tail around the table until all of the toxic finish on top is eaten by the beaver.
Next, you will want to refinish the table (or whatever you are refurbishing). A wood finish would be ideal, but you might be able to get away with that chrome spray paint you have left over from sprucing up your hubcaps (which will be covered in a future blog). If you haven’t spruced up your hubcaps yet, because you haven’t read my future blog, then just go ahead and buy the spray paint now because you will also use it someday on your hubcaps or during animal rights activities. Besides, it will give your furniture a ‘neo-awesome’ look. That means ‘new awesome’ in architectural terms! Try and paint outside, and if you can’t paint outside, tape off the carpet around your table and open a window. If you can’t open the window, turn on some 70′s music, ’cause it’s gonna get trippy.
Okay, after it has dried, you now have a magnificent looking table or chair, or what-have-you! You also have a beaver, which would make an excellent pet or lunch. If your not into it, just re-release it into the wild and make use of its dam for hydro-electric power (this project will be covered in a future blog).
