Archive for October, 2009

Waiting for the release of Windows 7? Hold Your Horses! *UPDATE*

Friday, October 23rd, 2009
This comes in later...trust me.

This comes in later...trust me.

Call me Nostradamus, cause I can predict the future, baby! Or at least the very near present. I was TiVoing through some commercials yesterday, after I wrote my last blog post, and I saw a glimpse of a Mac commercial. Well, I decided I’d watch it and sure enough, Mac is ripping on PC because Microsoft has promised to fix the problems with their last OS on every new OS they make.

Hm…this review of the new Apple ads happened yesterday at 8:30 PM, which was around the time I saw the ads, and those little CNET guys are usually on top of stuff. I wish I could know if I did indeed predict the future or if I was merely ignorant of the present. Well, if the ads did get shown before I wrote my last blog post, I guess I didn’t predict the future. But now, I’m going to make plenty of predictions so I can be right on something in teh future.

 Obama will be re-elected with less of a majority than he had during the first election. He will be running against a white guy who is going to tout that “Not all Republicans are like Bush” at every opportunity. The stock market will drop below 9,000 points again in 2010 when everyone realizes that no new jobs equals no real sustained growth. And lastly, your mother-in-law will  drop some pumpkin pie on her blouse this Thanksgiving.

As for Windows 7, I bet that it will be a gigantic hit with 90% of consumers and businesses alike, and it will have some minor problems that Mac will tout as major ones. 

Enough about that. Here’s some info on how to Live Largely on the Cheap:

I was watching Mythbuster’s the other day, and I saw this great little episode where they were trying to improve a vehicle’s gas mileage by putting golf-ball-like dimples in it to reduce drag. Turns out, it helped 11% at 55 mph. That’s great!

I saw another Mythbuster’s on a completely seperate day where they tried driving behind a semi in order to reduce drag and increase gas mileage. As it turns out, it caused their miles per gallon to increase to 40-odd percent better than without drafting behind a truck!

Now I’ve become obsessed. I’ve been thinking about hundereds of ways to gain gas mileage; everything short of putting the entire nation’s free-way system in a giant vacuum to eliminate air resistance. I would have actually considered it except for the fact that, unless the cars were completely air-tight and pressurized, the drop in pressure and lack of air would be unkind to your body. Ok, so what would help reduce drag, besides golf-ball-like dimples and drafting? Actually, let’s skip drafting because it is dangerous.

In the search to answer my own question, I came across this great site about modding cars to make them more fuel efficient, and they had a lot of great ideas about how to reduce wind resistance. In fact, I’ll just pique your interest and let you take a look for yourself. Keep it cheap and keep it real!

When is the release date for Windows 7? Hold Your Horses!

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009
More happy is coming my a**.
More happy is coming my a**.

Yes, this is Living Largely on the Cheap, so technically I should be showing you how to download Windows 7 for free or something like that (*ahem* I’m sure it will be at www.thepiratebay.org soon enough if you are into doing illegal stuff, *ahem*) However, after much deliberation, I’ve decided instead to show you that you should never buy another Windows product ever again. Stick with Windows XP and save up for a Mac.

First of all, Mac’s commercials are great. You get a subtly geeky holier-than-thou spokesperson bashing down some hopelessly “Office Space”-like character for everyone’s amusement. It’s cheeky and fun. The best part is, Mac doesn’t even use it’s best arsenal. In their latest commercials, they tout that the PC’s are fast and inexpensive, but they get viruses and Macs don’t.

What are you thinking, Mac? Just say “Hey, buddy, remember when you released a decent operating system…in 2001?” 

 ”Hey, PC, isn’t it great how all your new OS’s features are recycled Mac features?”

“Hey, PC, nice tie.”

Compare these wisecracks to Window’s commercials, which are woefully aimed at people who know next to nothing about computers. 4-year-olds, actually. I just love their commercial with that little girl (who’s name is apparently Kylie) who is always making slide shows. Besides the fact that it reeks of 40’s era propoganda, I think it is hilarious that it is portrayed that she made a slide show with quotes she can barely read.

I’m sure it should come off as cute, but when there’s little bunnies and unicorns contrasted with “Windows 7 is…stable, smooth and highly polished,” I worry that perhaps we should be calling child services. Brainwashing children is a crime, right? And then she goes on and on about all these “happy words.” She doesn’t have any idea what they mean, does she? She’s told that these words are happy. They could be showing her the words “sacriligious anti-semetic pervert” and she wouldn’t know the difference.

And on top of all this, I’m sure Windows 7 will blow just as bad as Vista did. So, save some money, stick with your Windows XP and tell the neighbors that you are old school and enjoy your stable OS and Microsoft couldn’t pay you enough to switch, but you don’t want a Mac because…*start mumbling while looking around for a pen*. Then, in your spare time with no one watching, try not to get too much drool in your keyboard as you look up the Macbook Air.

Boy in a Balloon Hoax, and Other Ideas To Land You On Television

Friday, October 16th, 2009
If you can make this, you are bound for the little screen, my friend!

If you can make this, you are bound for the little screen, my friend!

Here’s the set-up: you build this big balloon and put it up in the air, and tell your son Johnny Lou Who to go hide in the attic. Then, you call 911 and claim that your son is in the hot air balloon. The entire nation goes wild, you get on Larry King and the Today show, and it only scars your child for a short time that he has to lie to cover your tracks! If you don’t know what I’m referring to by now, check this site out

And now that you are up to speed…how will it all end? You’ll likely end up with a television show, of course. The next “Jon & Kate Plus 8″…and you know how happy they turned out. So, here are some thoughts on how to get your new TV career going so you no longer have to visit this site to learn how to live largely on the cheap.

Ok, first up, a classic. Have “in vitro fertilization,” the procedure that landed Octomom on the telly and Jon&Kate Plus 8 up there too. Go for the gusto, though, and try and have something bigger than an octuplet. 10 kids all at once ought to do it. If you feel that may be an issue for your health, you could try to have them naturally and catch up to “17 And Counting”. And if you are a man, that’s no excuse not to give it a try anyway.

This may be more difficult, but if you could become a fallen 90’s pop star, you might get a half-hour spot finding your true love on VH1. If you are not a fallen 90’s pop star, you could always create a Wikipedia page pretending you are. VH1 is probably too busy creating Top 100 lists that they may not catch that you are actually an out-of-work former Enron employee.

This last one is simple. Make up a completely ridiculous and extravegant personality and apply for as many tv shows as possible. You could be a semi-retired assasin hippy who flew to the moon once, and you could be on So You Think You Can Dance, American Idol, and Survivor…all at the same time.

Don’t take it from me. Just turn on the tube sometime and think to yourself: Can I be more ridiculous than those people? If the answer is yes, don’t let me stop you. If you do get on a TV show due to my suggestions and begin making tons of money, I wouldn’t expect any royalties, either. Maybe a shameless plug on national primetime television, but no royalties.

Buy a Cheap, Yet Broken, Car

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

This is just a wax away from perfection

This is just a wax away from perfection

I bought a 1999 Volkswagen Jetta a few days ago. It was less than half of Kelly Blue Book Value, which is a really good deal. The trouble is that it wasn’t running when I bought it. Long story short, it has a broken grill, the bumper is is held on by three screws, the paint is chipping off of the roof, the radio is missing, the cupholders don’t work, it needs a brake light bulb, the badges are missing on the front and the rear…

I think you get the idea. However, it is rust-free, the body is in good condition, the interior is pretty good, it has low miles, and I did get it running with less than $200. So, although not mint, it is actually a pretty solid car that I got for less than half of what a decent example is worth. That’s value!

So, my dear friends, consider doing the same. Although not everyone has great mechanical knowledge, you can still buy vehicles that are outcasts. Bad paint? Who cares, your getting it for cheap!  Missing a radio? That engine sounds great! Bumper held on by three wood screws? Adds a bit of fung shui! And after purchase, you can take your time to fix it up yourself. Throw some paint on there, slap a radio in, and add some more screws to the bumper. What, I was serious about it looking fung shui!

Of course, you don’t want to have the trashiest car on the block, either. It is easy to get around this by fixing up the car yourself, but if you don’t want to have a terrible looking car while you are fixing it up, always arrive at home when it is dark outside and put a car cover on it. This may make it difficult to work on your car, but what’s more important? Your comfort or your reputation?

 After your done, you’ll have a flashy car for cheap that you’ll have just a little bit of blood, sweat, and tears in. Mostly tears. Here’s some tips on how to pick a slightly defective winner:

1. Get something that has low miles. A car with 250,000 miles is not “just broken in” no matter how many Honda ads swear its true.

2. If the problem is cosmetic, know before you buy what you will have to replace and how much each part will cost (including paint). If you can do the “surgery” yourself, you will save a bundle.

3. Getting a vehicle that doesn’t run can pay off if you are pretty good with mechanical work. Search “Mechanic special” on Craigslist and you’ll get a big list of potential winners.

4. A 1993 Toyota Corolla in good condition and a 1996 Lincoln Towncar in bad condition cost about the same. Go for broke, and pick the car that will make you look good.

If you put these ideas to good use, go ahead and leave a comment, maybe put a link in there to a pic of your newfound awesome crappy vehicle!