Archive for July, 2009

All About The Bull

Thursday, July 9th, 2009
This would make an incredible Transformer.

This would make an incredible Transformer.

So, I’ve been noticing that there are about a billion energy drinks out there. Bawls, Red Bull, Rockstar, Sugar-Free Red Bull, Monster, Red Bull Cola, 5 Hour Energy-technically you drink it, Red Bull Energy Shot, NOS, and Red Bull Sugar-Free Energy Shot (I kid you not). These are just some of the more well-known brands; there are about 106 different kinds of energy drinks listed on Wikipedia. Now, this is no longer one of those coveted “untapped markets”, but if you throw a bunch of chemicals together into a can you can pretty much make your own energy drink and sell it for ridiculous amounts.

Basically, what makes the difference between an “energy drink” and a “soda” is marketing and a few inexpensive ingredents. Considering companies already make a killing on soda, imagine what they are making on energy drinks! I’ll give an example for those with little imagination: the guys who started the company have about $4 billion dollars between them now (their original investment was $1 million). That type of money will give you wiiings.

Of course, you don’t have $1 million, or else you wouldn’t be reading this site. You may have to end up making a suicide drink at your local soda fountain and putting it in canning jars (click here if you have no idea what I mean by suicide drink). Then just stir in some hornet saliva, and your good. Whatever you have to do, you need to get into this market, I mean, I’m sure you are going to at least come up with a better name than “Virus of Beauty.” And who really cares what your drink tastes like, all you have to do is have them try it once for you to get some money. Plus, if your a  bit dastardly, you can always add some ingredients that will make sure your customers come back for more.

At least it isn't called "Bacteria of Pulchritude".

At least it isn't called "Bacteria of Pulchritude".

Fatwallet

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
A cat that looks like Hitler. Trust me, its pertinent.

A cat that looks like Hitler. Trust me, its pertinent.

I know that if you weren’t so engrossed with my site that you would have probably found it by now, but www.fatwallet.com is the best website ever. Besides this site. And eBay, Craigslist, Facebook, and Cats That Look Like Hitler.  There are various things you can do on the site, like search for coups and such, but the best part that I see so far are the forums.

There is nothing more happenin’ than when real people like you and real cyborgs like me (I didn’t tell you?) talk together and instantaneously share the best deals that are out there. If it wasn’t for my sage advice on a breadth of topics, you could just search their forums all day to save yourself lots of cash. It is great for those deals that you always hear about after they occur…because your friends are too busy enjoying them to inform you. Well, unlike your selfish friends (maybe you should try being friends with cyborgs, we constantly analyze deals and Twitter them automatically from our brain-CPU’s), Fatwallet forum writers are happy to share the deals they find.

If you haven’t taken a gander yet, even after all of the good things I have told you about this other site, then you either think I am getting paid by them or I am just plain lying. I’m not getting paid by them (although they do send free Direct TV to my head’s satellite dish), and here is an example I just found on the forum: a Motorola SLVR L7 Slim for $49.99 found on 1 Sale A Day. Basically, a decent unlocked phone with an unfortunately semi-ironic name (why would I want to pick up a sliver?) for cheap. If yours had kicked the bucket, this would be a great way to not spend hundreds at your local Verizon or T-Mobile for a new one. Now go forth, and prosper!

$50. Bam. Its yours.

Wild Hair Makes All The Difference

Monday, July 6th, 2009
Being a genius is not hard. A wild hairdo makes all of the difference. We’ll start with example numero uno, Albert Einstein. He dropped out of the equivelent of high school, according to Wikipedia (which is where all the best researchers go for information), but then again, his hair was not too crazy back then. See exhibit A:

Sharp dresser and normal hair. Also, unremarkable.

Now, as time went by, Albert Einstein’s hair grew crazier and crazier. He eventually came up with something called the “Theory of Relativity” and “E=mc^2″. People couldn’t understand a word he said, so they deemed him as a genius. He proved them all right when he developed the A-bomb in his underground lair (but back then there were no terrorists so it was ok), but if it wasn’t for that, we would never have known if truly was a genius or not. Here is a picture from his A-bomb making days:
albert_einstein_head_cleaned_n_cropped
There are many more examples of extreme hair that led to amazing discoveries and overall greatness. Benjamin Franklin sported the most extreme example of a mullet possible. I’m sure if Stephen Hawking could style his own hair, it would be simply ridiculous. Sir Isaac Newton invented gravity so that he could wear this kick-arse wig without it floating away. For every action (having the wig) there is an equal and opposite reaction (scaring children), indeed:
newton-painting
I guess the way that this relates to Living Largely on the Cheap principles is thus: don’t put the cart before the horse. Don’t wait around trying to become a genius so you can get great hair. Get great hair and the genius will come. The only person who doesn’t seem to fit this would be Dennis Rodman, but you should have seen how completely idiotic he was before the hair.
rodman_hair1