Archive for February, 2009

Start an Office Lotto Pool

Sunday, February 22nd, 2009

One of the better ways to make money is to start an office lotto pool. If your not familiar with how they work, here it goes: you collect people’s money, they tell you what lotto numbers to pick (usually in some grand lottery like the Powerball), you go out and pick up the tickets, and if anyone wins the whole office shares in the winnings. There are many benefits:

You will look like a leader. Starting something is a way to tell your higher-ups “Hey, I can lead people. See? See?” So, the office lotto pool is a great way to start.

Another great reason to do it is so that you can get to know your co-workers better. If you find out you don’t like them, then you can decide to stop doing the Powerball pool and hand the reins over to someone else.

However, the final reason is one that will make you not want to hand off the important task of heading up the pool. C’mere, no, closer…shh…don’t actually buy any tickets with the money! Tell everyone they lost and let that be that! I mean, seriously, you are really doing everyone a favor. Pretty much every lotto winner’s life goes down the tubes, anyway. Your better off investing the money for everyone in your own Playstation 3 so that you are more relaxed when you come to work. And isn’t it better for everyone if you are not uptight? The answer is yes. Heck yes.

The only trouble you might run into is if a ticket that someone picks actually wins. But hey, the chances of that are, like, nil. Besides, if someone does end up picking the winning Powerball ticket, you can just tell them you ‘accidentally wrote down the wrong number’. The office will forgive you by next week, I promise. What is a few million among friends? Another way to avoid disaster is to create a system where you yourself pick the numbers, and you don’t tell anyone what they are. If a nosey co-worker asks you why, you can just tell them it is ’so it is fair for everyone’, then quickly leave the room before they try to apply logic to the situation.

Depending on the size of your office (or Dungeons and Dragons group, or what have you), this could be a lucrative venture. On top of the prestige of running your own pool, besides the money, you can use the position to strengthen your ties within the office. Say you want to use the microwave when Bob is trying to defrost a freakin’ turkey; just tell him if the office wins, you’ll make sure he gets double if he’ll let you stick in your Easy Mac first. This is only one specific application, of course. There are many more situations in which this will work. Good parking spaces, free cupcakes, nooky. They all suddenly fall from the sky because of you leveraging your position as office lotto man. Don’t worry, these sort of things rarely come back to haunt you.

Good luck out there!

Get a Roommate!

Friday, February 20th, 2009

There is no need to sit home alone and play your game console of choice over the internet. Kill two birds with one stone, cancel the internet to save cash and get a roomie to split the rent. Then, you’ll always have someone to play a game with you AND you’ll get extra cash!

Of course, if one roomie is good, then two is better. One roommate might yield you 400 bucks, two could get you 600. If following that formula, three would get you 700, four would get you 750, and so on. By the time your at 10 roommates, you’ll be pulling in almost eight hundred dollars a month!

On top of the added bonus of always having cool people around, you’ll also have the neighbors suspecting you are having a 24/7 party. What is cooler or as much of an indication that you are living the high life as 24/7 parties? Here is an actual made-up conversation I had with my imaginary neighbor when I “had 10 roommates”:

“Yo, bro, what’s going on. It is like you are having a constant party over there, man.”

“That is because I AM having a constant party over here. Not only that, but my four-figure job sends me on business trips daily.”

“Homie, four figures is not that great.”

“Yeah, but you gotta consider the benefits, too. Like…dental. And, uh, I get free pizza once a night. And I get to keep my tips.”

“Tips?”

“Er, I mean, wingtips. Shoes. I get to keep them. Long story. Wait a second…I’ll be back in a sec…one of my party-goers owes me rent….”

So, as you can see from this completely realistic conversation, my neighbor totally thought I was rad for having a constant rave. Despite all the bonuses to having a roomate I just mentioned, there are some drawbacks to consider:

There will always be disputes over boundary lines. However, sometimes it can get out of hand, and there is a small chance your roomie will fatally hit you with a sledgehammer over there being no toilet-paper in the house. This seems somewhat unlikely; you should be ok. Just make sure there is always toilet-paper, I guess. Another drawback to consider is trying to figure out the logistics of housing ten people in your studio apartment. This would not be a problem if your ‘mates were all zombies a la “I Am Legend”, and they all slept standing up, hyperventilating. Besides the auditory annoyance and the probability of being devoured alive, this would be an ideal situation.

However, as you would typically be dealing with real human beings, I have come up with a plan.

First of all, visit IKEA. Besides the cheap prices, they have floor models showing exactly how to house about a trillion people in a four square-foot home. Five of these ought to do the trick for sleeping arrangements. Those Swedes, they really know how to live in a small space. I have a sneaking suspicion that Sweden is actually in urban Japan. The next thing to do would be to see if you can’t room with someone who participates in the art of body suspension. That should really clear up some floor space. Lastly, don’t live with with this guy, who left his rented house with 70,000 Coors Light cans inside. The article says he doesn’t drink beer anymore, but what does he do with his Coke cans?

On the upside, they were all recycled to the tune of 800 dollars. That’s one month’s rent from your 10 roomies!

eBay: Exploit Yourself!

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

So, one of the best ways to live the big life  is to get more cash. Easier said than done, you might say. You already work 40 hours a week at the plant, and the only way your manager will give you more hours is if you date his daughter. Which would be fine, if she didn’t have that strange infactuation with knives. So, you decide to exploit yourself on eBay!

No, I don’t mean sell your body on a virtual corner of the internet.

But, in another sense, that is exactly what I mean. We have all heard the stories: so-and-so is offering his forehead so you can tattoo your logo on it, who-sits is saying he’ll wear a t-shirt for a year with your brand name screen-printed upon it, whats-his-name is…you get the idea.

I did an extremely thorough three minute search on eBay for finds such as these, and it turned up nothing. Don’t let this stop you! That just means there is less competition for such shenanigans. One reason that this search turned up nothing could be that eBay actually has a “Human Remains and Body Parts Policy“ which basically states that you can’t sell body parts on eBay. An example kindly provided by eBay is the sale of your organs; so there goes your God-given right to get rid of that extra kidney. Not to worry, not to worry. Those silly eBay policy makers made a lot of loopholes that allow you to sell parts of your body within certain contexts.

You could sell your virginity on eBay as this enterprising young woman did. Of course, if you don’t have that to sell (shame!), or you are a man, this won’t net you too much. Not to worry! There are always ways to sell your body on eBay! According to this blog, a guy sold his voice on eBay. The post goes on to say what that exactly means: the high bidder’s name gets yelled out every 15 minutes by the seller at his place of work. Highest bid? $750 smackaroos.

In this economic climate, it generally is not a great idea to go around screaming in the workplace. There are much more quiet, if intrusive, ways to make money selling your body. Which leads me to what I alluded to at the beginning of the post: the guy who sold his forehead advertising space on eBay. He made, according to this site, 16,000 British pounds a month advertising on his forehead. However, I have a feeling you could make more if you didn’t wuss out and actually used permanant tattoo ink.

Let’s get down to brass tacks…what could you possibly make on eBay with your body? Seriously, though, your body is priceless. Selling it out to the highest bidder is ridiculous!

That is, of course, if you think you could make more setting a high ”Buy It Now” price.

A Blog for those in a Fog about how to buy Prague

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

Are you worried daily about the repo company coming in the middle of the night to steal back those rented rims?

Do you ponder at night about how your going to arrive at the office without those Prada shoes you sold on Ebay to support your Starbucks habit?

Are you thinking right now about how you plan on telling your wife that when you are working late, you really are working late, because you got a pay cut and you have to get overtime?

Not to worry! (as much, your wife will probably still think the office secretary is somehow involved)

Living Largely on the Cheap is a humorous, interesting, and sometimes informative blog about how to increase your income, save money, all while still maintaining the lifestyle of a CEO! Or at least looking like you are…

Keep coming back, I hope to be updating it daily.